Let's begin!

Congratulations!

You have mannaged to get to my second post! No more boring stuff, let's start my story:

I was born in small city. That little city is part of even smaller country. I was born with cerebral palsy and doctors said that I wouldn't be able to move. It was a disaster for whole family. Tons of sleepless nights. But my mom, great woman, started to specially excercise with me, and today, I am healthy, normal boy. 

My childhood was normal. At least I thought it was. First different thoughts came when I was 7 years old. It was normal day as any other, I was watching some movie with my brother. I don't remember what movie it was exactly but i do remember that there was a scene where man and woman were kissing each other next to the waterfall. It was really beautiful scene and I was pretty amazed. My brother was not paying that much attention but then I said: " Wow, that man is really beautiful!" 

That waked my brother up and he responded almost immediately: "What did you say? You should like that woman not that man!" I did not really understand that but since then, I always had his face in front of my eyes. 

I could not realize it then, but when I looked on that situation later, when I was 13, i found out that i am gay.

That was important information first of all for my self. Of course, I wasn't sure right away. It was long-term process.

I grew up in really homophobic surroundings. When there was any gay oriented article or they mentioned gay community in TV, my parents never forgot to say that it is not natural, it is disease and they should go to hospital. I quickly found out that it won't be that easy to live in our community as opened and came-out person. So i did not come out. Some of you may think now, that it must have been hard for me and i must have been sad all the time. Well, that is not true at all...

I was pretty succesful kid. I got accepted to great high school, i had wonderful results there, I was also playing sport and i was succesful in it. Actually i was the most succesful kid in that sport in our city. But that was only succes as others have seen it. I have never found myself as succesful.  

I am not that kind of gay man on who you can see that he is gay in first second thanks to community I grew up. I played collective sport with many other guys, and because of my success, I have played with much older dudes. Everybody thought that there is no way I could be gay. I look heterosexually, I act heterosexualy. I AM NORMAL BOY... As with everything, there are pros and also cons of my success.... I could not afford comming out. Can you imagine one of the best athleete in city to come out in such a homophobic community? My sport life would end in that second. So I did not come out. I even had a few girlfriends.

Thanks to my orientation I naturally did not have the best relationship with my parents. It was not bad at all. But I could... and ... I can never tell them the truth. I actually have not found anybody till now, who would know about me.

As a teenager, I started to realize, that I can't live like this forever... So I made really big decision... 

What decision? You will find out in my next blog... Right now, I need to sleep. 

Thanx for reading!